My 21st chapter begins today
I hated the few days leading up to my last birthday because I was riddled with so much anxiety and birthday depression that I ended up gaslighting myself that there was nothing worth celebrating. I kept asking myself, "What have you achieved? Why are you happy?" and convinced myself that it was just another day. The fear gripped me so much that I cried for hours, and I am not a crybaby.
The same pattern is repeating itself this year because, ngl (not gonna lie), these past few weeks have been frustrating. I've had a series of bad luck that has hindered my growth and plans for the year, but I'm not used to sharing my problems, so I just keep them locked inside.
To be honest, I don't think I'm happy or overjoyed. The prospect of adulthood scares me, and I don't think I am where I want to be. I wish I had achieved more. This is not me comparing myself to my mates but to a standard, I've set for myself.
However, I'm grateful to be a year older. I am grateful to still have the gift of life, even if Nigeria has made it difficult to live every day. I am grateful for Ramadan, my brothers, my mum, my friends, and everyone who has impacted my life.
In this new age, I want clarity β clarity in my life, in my career, and in relationships with people, and I pray I don't go astray. I've always pushed myself to be the best; I've never allowed mediocrity, and I hope the years ahead are better.
I want money, I want to be better at my craft, I want to help women, I want to spoil my brothers and my friends. I want to take care of my parents, and maybe next year, I will be spending my birthday in Bora Bora.
I promise to make the best out of this day and try to have fun. Anxiety can come in later, but today is my day, and I'll enjoy it to the fullest. I got cake, I got wine, and I'm going to have a good time. π
I will attach my wishlist below, and before you call me a thief, know that it's the condition/Tinubu that caused it, Please.
Lastly, my heart goes out to the Christians in north-central Nigeria, the Palestinians, Iranian and Afghanistan women, the Congolese people and every other group going through some form of oppression. Please lend your voices to the calls for freedom because we'll be free until we are all free
Happy birthday, Missy! You're an enigma, and you deserve every good thing. π
Till next time, guys, stay jiggy.
Recommendations
Music: More life & more blessings- Nathaniel Shalom
Book: My sister βs keeper- Jodi Picoult